Friday Freebits with Ginger - #frifeebits #blogshare

Hi and welcome to another Friday of my sharing six paragraphs from a WIP.  I'm currently redoing a humorous book and hoping to find a new home for it.  The first offering was a nightmare...totally non professionally edited, and written like the amateur I was at the time.  I know this time, if I'm lucky enough to find someone to give it a go, this story will be much more entertaining and a better read.

So...without further ado, I'll pick up where I left off...my magical day at the amusement park with my sisters.

To say I was thrilled when the day at Magic Mountain ended was an understatement.  I'd bought new jeans for the occasion and felt like I was in a body cast.  Just outside the gates, we waited to board the tram to the parking lot, and like everyone else in the exiting crowd, we had to scurry for a seat.  I was trying to get aboard when my bad knee gave out (old baseball injury from my younger years), and I'm pretty sure it was triggered by the tiptoe ride.

 Anyhow, there I was, dangling from the tram like a Raggedy Ann, grasping the safety pole and begging my youngest sister to help me.  She thought I was joking!  Really...how funny does someone want to be?  So, I vividly recall splatting on the ground, detaining the tram while hundreds of tired and grumpy people looked on while someone summoned an ambulance...and of course the degradation that followed. Honestly, people who have trekked through an amusement park all day, kept their crying children up past their bedtime and are eager to get home can be so inconsiderate.

 For God's sake, did they really think I wanted to hit the asphalt like a ton of bricks?  I heard them complaining, and I started to wish I had gone on the wooden coaster and met with a less embarrassing end.  As if I didn't feel bad enough, the bulging veins in the necks of the EMTs who lifted me onto a stretcher put the cap on the evening.  Honestly, I wanted my pants off, but not cut to pieces and made into rags.  I had to keep telling them which knee was the swollen one, but I had a feeling they could have cared less.  Yeah...it was my plan from the beginning to become a Six-Flag casualty in front of hundreds of people, and then have two handsome men see me in my granny panties while they paid scant attention to me and flirted with my sisters.  You won't find anything to do with amusement parks on my bucket list.

Now for a joke:

An older couple were in bed one night.  The husband was nearly asleep, but was wife was feeling a little frisky and wanted to 'talk.'

"You know," she said, "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily, he reach across and grasped her hand for a second, hoping to placate her before dozing off.

A few minutes later, her voice sliced the silence.  "And then, you used to kiss me."

Mildly irritated by this time, he leaned across and gave her a quick peck on the cheek and once again settled down prepared to slumber.

Not even thirty-seconds later, she pulled him from his comfort again.  "And then, you used to nibble on my neck."

He ripped back the covers and got out of bed.

"Where are you going?"  she asked.

"To get my damn teeth."


Okay...next time, I either need to expand this chapter or start a new one based on my old, Living La Vida Loca.  See you next Friday, I hope.

In the meantime, hope on over to my friends and see what they're offering to entertain you:

Jamie Hill
Roseanne Dowell
Tricia McGill
Juliet Waldron
Sydell Voeller
Taryn Raye
Kathy Fischer-Brown
Rhobin Lee Courtright

Friday Freebits with Ginger - #frifreebits #blogshare

It's time again to share six paragraphs with you.  I've been sharing a chapter from Life is a Bowl of Toilets and I Clean Them, but I've ended that one and will now move on to another.  I'm hoping to re-work this book and have it published, so I'll count on your comments to tell me if you think it's worthwhile.  Today, I'm starting, Strangers in the Night.  You might notice that all my chapters are named after songs.

Sharing:

Did I say memory?  I wish I had still had one, but unfortunately that convenience is one of the first things to leave when you get older.  One day, you're heading down the hallway and suddenly realize you have no idea why...or even of your destination.  The first time you suffer from the sudden amnesia bout, you experience a little bit of terror, but when forgetting becomes commonplace, you have no choice but to rearrange your life to accommodate your shortcomings.  Example?  Sure!  I now use a checklist before leaving home to make sure I don't burn the house down by forgetting to turn off a critical appliance.  I have lots of time to make sure I'd crossed everything off the list because I'm usually looking for car keys that I've put somewhere I can't recall.

One of the most annoying parts of having no memory is running into people you don't remember--especially when they know your name.  Embarrassing, to say the least, to hem and haw around and hope you get a clue, even if it comes through divine intervention.  Usually it doesn't.  If the person is my age, there probably isn't any use in asking for clues on how they remember me, but then I probably wouldn't remember what they said anyhow.  I think everyone over the age of fifty should have their named embroidered on their clothing in a highly visible area...and in large letters for those of us who put our glasses somewhere and can't find them.

This reminded me of a joke: (these paragraphs don't count)

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car--both could barely see over the dashboard.  As they cruised along, they came to an intersection where the traffic light was red.  Instead of stopping, the driver went right on through.

The woman in the passenger seat was horrified.  She turned to her friend.  "I must be losing it.  I could swear the light was red."  The driver said nothing.

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and red light, and again the car sped through.  A little further down the street, it happens again.

Now the woman passenger is beginning to panic, but before she can mention anything, the driver runs another light.  Fearing for her life, the passenger turns to her friend.  "Mildred, do you realize you've been running every red light?  You are going to get us both killed."

Mildred turns wide eyes on the passenger.  "Oh crap!  Am I driving?"

Now that you've had a chuckle, let's discuss your eyesight.  It goes bye-bye along with your memory.  God was kind here because most people over the age of fifty have lost some degree of their vision.  I figure he planned the loss to balance the shock of the body changes we experience. If we wore our corrective lenses to bed, senior sex would come to an immediate halt.  Seeing each other with 20/20 accuracy would most likely make celibacy an option, even at our age.

Senior sex you say?  Studies show that most adults remain sexually active well into their golden years and actually enjoy intercourse more than when they were young.  Really?  I might admit I'm trying to be one of those people, only because I hear sex prolongs ones' life.  I view bedroom intimacy as my monthly dose of exercise.  Why jog every day when I can make my heart race three times faster by just assuming some of the positions I favored in my younger years?  At present, the 'missionary' is my favorite since I spend most of the time praying for the torture to end. Oh, and I've come to the conclusion that the aforementioned study might have been based solely on bedroom noises.  Who can decipher with any degree of accuracy between someone lost in the throes of ecstasy and someone with the sudden onset of leg cramps.  Face it, at fifty and over, most of us just aren't as agile as we used to be.

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Okay, I cheated a bit this week by adding the joke, so I'll stop for now and invite you to visit my friends and see what tidbits they're sharing:

Jamie Hill
Roseanne Dowell
Tricia McGill
Juliet Waldron
Taryn Raye
Kathy Fischer-Brown
Rhobin Lee Courtright
Sydell Voeller