Avoiding Adverbs by Roseanne Dowell (Replay Day)

Writing without adverbs? Then how can we describe people, tone of voice? Some writers think adverbs are the only way to add description to a story.

Wrong – the use and over use of adverbs distracts from your story.  It puts YOU, the AUTHOR into the story.  And we never (one of the few nevers in writing) want the author in the story.

There are better ways to add description.  Let’s take this sentence for example:  Roy walked leisurely down the street.  – Okay. You, the author, just TOLD us how Roy walked – you interfered with the story.   How much better if you would have showed us how Roy walked.

Example: Roy strolled down the street. (Notice how just changing the verb and taking out the adverb shows us how Roy walked.

Roy is not in a hurry - strolled implies leisurely without the author saying so, but it’s still telling. So, let’s take it one step farther. The author can show more.

Roy breathed in the spring air. What a great time of year with the trees budding and the smell of fresh cut grass. Just looking at the sky put him in a good mood.

Now the author hasn’t even told us that Roy strolled. We know Roy’s not in a hurry because he notices everything around him.  People in a hurry don’t take the time to notice the buds on the trees. They wouldn’t stop to look at the sky.  The author has shown us something about Roy besides the fact that he’s not in a hurry.  He loves spring, and he loves nature. Other people wouldn't necessarily notice the buds on the trees, even when they’re not in a hurry. They react in different ways to show us they aren't in a hurry. Maybe they'd lollygag along watching the traffic or kids playing. That shows us something different about them.  People see different things and so should our characters.

Adverbs can never replace strong verbs. As in the above example, strolled is a much stronger verb then walked in showing us how someone went on his way, but showing him works so much better.

Adverbs combined with strong verbs – John ran quickly – are repetitive. We already know John ran, that tells us he’s moving fast, why repeat it?  The adverb has the same meaning as the verb.  By adding the adverb, we weaken the verb and the sentence, and it shows us nothing. 

Avoid the use of adverbs whenever possible.  When you feel tempted to add an adverb, stop and think about what you want the reader to know. Is there another way to say it?  Usually there is. 

Adverbs to describe how someone speaks are also interfering.

Example: “Stop, just stop,” John shouted angrily.

Well, I don’t know about you, but if someone is shouting that usually means he’s angry.

 Why not show us the anger? “Stop! Just stop.” John slammed the cupboard door.

Now that shows us he is angry much better than the adverb angrily? And, we didn’t have to use the tag line he shouted. We can say, he shouted and slammed the cupboard door, but does that reinforce the anger? Not really. The action works better alone.

Now don’t get me wrong – there are places to use adverbs, but the key is to use them sparingly.  Readers want detail, they want to see and hear the story. They don’t want someone to tell them what happened. They want to feel the anger, sadness, happiness, laughter, and tears.  Readers want to feel our character's emotion.  Characters who display emotion are strong characters. And readers remember them. They become real, believable. And if we have believable characters, readers will remember us.

So next time you write, she hurried quickly down the street, STOP!! Reread what you just wrote.  Do you really want to repeat that he was in a hurry?  Hurried already implies he was going quickly.

And next time you write – “I can’t do this anymore,” John said sadly.  Rethink it – is there a better way to show John sad?  “I can’t do this anymore.” John wiped the tears from his eyes. Notice I didn’t say John said as he wiped the tears. You can also eliminate the he said/she said tags and insert action tags that shows us more of what’s happening. By saying John said sadly, we know John is sad – but we don’t know he’s crying. 

We add so much more to the story by eliminating needless adverbs.  We all enjoy reading strong stories, why not write them

Picky, Picky, Picky

Let's face it...most of us who write also read.  I know my Kindle is bulging at the seams with books I've downloaded and want to sit back and enjoy, but this darn editorial eye of mine keeps me from enjoying my favorite pastime like I used to.

I wish I could read my own stuff with an editorial eye, but because I'm the originator of the work, my brain reads what it supposes should be there.  Of course, that isn't the case with other people's writing.  If you equate reading with eating, I've met a few brussel spouts I didn't like.

Part of the rite of passage in being as author is working with editors to hone your work to their finest. I'm discovering more and more books out there, especially by self-published authors that are laden with the most amateur mistake--mistakes that could have been caught by a second set of eyes.  In my ten plus years of writing, I've learned so much for editors...in fact, more than I ever want to know. 

 I've discovered that applying rules is like using salt on your food.  Too much is bad for you, but moderation is the key. I've tried to remember the writing guidelines that make the most sense to me and adhere to them.  The problem: New rules crop up every day, and some of them even contradict what I thought I already knew.  I've decided I have to be true to my own voice and pick and choose what works for me.  We all have a unique style and we need to stick in our comfort zone...but within reason.

As far as my own nitpicks...I decided to share a few with you and see if you agree.  Feel free to add your own in the comments.  We all might learn something...that is if you have room in your already crammed brain for one more fact.  *lol*

I dislike:

Too many tags.  Often identifying the name of the speaker isn't even necessary because in most cases, there are only two people in the room.  John and Mary have met, and if you've introduced them to the reader, no need to keep spitting out their names every other sentence. 

Starting a book and having no idea what the time period or setting is.   Yikes.  What a waste of time to have to read backwards because you get deep into the chapter and have no idea if you're in the eighteenth or twentieth century.  I love a story that gives me a big clue so I put myself in the right setting and know exactly where I am.

Sentences that begin with "it."  This is a big nit pick for me.  Usually there is no hard noun that precedes this pronoun so I find myself in predicaments where I have no idea with "IT" is.  Which would you rather see at the beginning of a story?  I think most uses indicate someone too lazy to search for a word that is a better fit.

It was a cold and cloudy day.
Steel-colored clouds blanketed the sky, and icy fingers clung to the north wind.  Goosebumps peppered her pale skin...


Unnecessary phrases...- This is my newest quest to avoid.  I've recently learned that using phrases like "She heard, she watched, she saw, she knew, are in most cases unnecessary if I've set a solid POV for the reader.  Suppose you're reading from my heroine's perspective and I've locked you there.  As a reader, you will know who is doing the seeing, hearing, watching and feeling, so some find it an insult to their intelligence to keep reminding them.

Resisting the Urge to Explain or RUE.  We've already established that readers are pretty savvy and figure things out without the author pointing out the obvious.  This is a continuation of what I discussed above, but take it a step further and consider the last few words in each sentence.  If our hero is aiming a gun at the bad guy, and pulls the trigger...do we really need to say, "He took aim and shot at him"?  I think the reader will assume who is getting shot.  *lol*  Consider the scene, then re-evaluate the closing words in each sentence.  If you're using "at her, for him, etc.," you may not need to wear so much polish off your manicure.  Continually explaining things to your reader becomes redundant and boring.

Repetition.  As an author, I appreciate how difficult it is to recall what you've previously written.  This is a big reason why you need to be part of a critique group or have beta readers to provide feedback.  Nothing is more annoying than having the eye and hair color of the characters described in fifteen different chapters, or learning pertinent information again in chapter ten that you learned in great detail back in chapter three.  I'm reading a book right now that I'm ready to throw against the wall because every chapter is a reminder of how red the heroine's hair is.  I almost think I could cough up a furrball!

Okay...there are a ton more nit picks I have, but I'm going to stop before I become redundant and boring.  I'm not saying I'm not guilty of these writing faux pas as I've read some of my older work and see the very mistakes I despise.  The only thing I can promise is that future work will be better, because every day I learn something new from my critique partners and from reading work that has been well-edited and superbly written.  Just don't expect me to leave out all the 'ly' words because someone takes offense with them.  There are some cases that call for a description that fits no other way.  I'm working on minimizing...sort of like the new bra I just found.  :)






  

The Impact of Editing, Writing and Reading

This is how I hope readers view my work.  I want to make colors so vibrant, emotions so real, and characters so likeable, that people can connect with the storyline and experience my tale through the eyes of the hero or heroine.  That's the sign of an author who knows their craft.

I have confidence that I've achieved my goal in most of my books.  Short stories, not so much.  I find reviewers comment about the length, wishing for more, so that tells me that I've connected in some way, but there is only so much you can pack into fewer words.

New rules crop up every day and make me question where they come from.  As someone who has been writing for over ten years now, I wonder if they existed way back when, and my editors weren't versed enough in writing themselves to know about them.  When I first started, a great majority of the editorial staff on board we authors with credentials and experience not much more than my own.  My first editor was very knowledgeable about historical facts, and I learned a ton from her about showing my story to the reader, but passive voice, head hopping, and cause before effect didn't seem to matter to her, nor did the numerous times I used "that" which later was cause for a rejection from another house.

Now my latest quirk has become the use of identifying tags that are now deemed unnecessary.  Evidently, in the characters' POV, the reader will assume that the person doing the knowing, seeing, hearing, etc, is the main character, so sentences starting with she heard, she knew, she watched, she saw, etc., add nothing but words to the story.

Speaking of words...I tend to see lots of the above sentences in mainstream writing...in fact in most books I've read lately, so I wonder are authors adding them to up their word count.  I also wonder if readers notice the number of times we use a character's name in paragraphs...especially when forced to in order to help them decipher between characters.  I recently received a critique where the critiquer had highlighted every instance of the heroine's name, which seemed excessive to her.  I wrote back and explained that through various editing experiences, I'd learned pronouns reflect back on the last person named, so if I introduced another character into the scene, I had to name my heroine to differentiate.  Confusing?  Yes!  Of course, when you use too many pronouns, editors take issue with that too.  It all comes down to being able to reword sentences or use phrases that allow a breather from the norm.  I'm learning still.  Writing is one career or pastime where you never stop acquiring new knowledge.  The problem is determining whether it's factual or fiction.  Not everything passed along is true or worthy of time spent changing your writing habits. 

Each writer has a voice unique to themselves.  Some houses abhor "ing" starts to sentences, but I assume that's because all authors haven't figured out how to use them correctly.  I critiqued a story a few days ago which was worded something like, Entering the room, her heart fluttered.  If you read it quickly you may gloss over the fact that her heart entered the room.  Where was the rest of her?  I'm sure this is something I did in my earlier writing, but now I try to pay attention and send the whole body along with the heart.

Other publishers want us to avoid 'ly' words and use strong verbs.  There are just some instances where you want to share with the reader that she spoke softly.  She didn't whisper, but she wasn't speaking in her normal tone, so an 'ly' word is called for.  In my opinion, the problem with rules is that we take them literally and don't apply them with rationale.  I had one editor comment that I had removed so much passive voice from my story, my writing sounded stilted and had no flow.

The rule with rules is to apply what works.  Take them with a grain of salt and try to avoid redundancies, find stronger verbs, send in the whole person and not just a body part, and remember that eyes don't roam the room, a gaze does.  Someone doesn't fling their hands in the air, but they might lift their arms over their head.  Leave out the amazing body tricks. You can't chuckle a response, but you can before or after your character speaks, so omit that comma.  Even more annoying for me, are tags that describe a person's speech before they've even spoken.  Which is better for you?

He whispered, "Are you okay?"

"Are you okay," he whispered.

A ton of rules are applied at the discretion of your editor.  You may find one who is annoyed by something as simple as the above example, or you may have one assigned who is more concerned with how many times you use "was."  Tomorrow, it may all be different.  Just remember to check house rules when you submit.  I'm finding a vast difference in requirements concerning punctuation, fonts, spacing, margins, indents, and whether to use "Chapter" or just a number.  Oy vey....so much to absorb and so little brain cells left to work with.   Writing is a challenge, so make sure you're up for it.

Feel free to comment on some of your pet peeves.  I'd love to know that me and my internal editor are not the only ones finding some habits more annoying than others.