Friday, July 11, 2008

Being Politically Correct

I received a very cute email with politically correct terms to replace the bad references we've been making to one another. I thought it might be fun to write something using them:

As an APPALIACHIAN-AMERICAN (hillbilly) and a fairly old BREASTED AMERICAN (babe or chick), I feel it necessary to stand up for women with a certain shade of hair, having been one myself once. Although they are often considered a LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION HIGHWAY (dumb blonde)and quite often thought of as HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE (easy), the color of one's hair does not mean she is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION (has been around. Nor does the fact that she isn't a brunette give you cause to refer to her as a LOW COST PROVIDER (two-bit hooker.) I hope the men reading this will reconsider their attitudes and not cause me to become VERBALLY REPETITIVE (nag).

The same applies to women. Just because your husband has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY (beer gut) or is OVERLY CAUCASIAN (a bad dancer), you have to forgive him when he develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION (acts like a total ass). Whether he exhibits REAR CLEAVAGE (butt crack) or is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION (balding), he is your husband and you should treat him with respect.

I hope I've made my point crystal clear.

My thanks to the person who came up with these witty descriptions.

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