I wish I had a photo of a favorite Christmas to place here, but my family was never big on photographs...in fact, they weren't big on anything except just being a family. It saddens me that as I grow older, my childhood memories become dimmer and dimmer. When I try to share them with my younger sister, we have distinctly different recollections. She was nine when I married and moved away. Her childhood is vastly different than mine.
My favorite Christmas song has always been, "Ill be Home For Christmas." I cry whenever I hear it because it brings back memories of all the GOOD years I still cling to. Unfortunately, Christmas has changed. My grandparents and father are gone, people have their own children and new family rituals, and rifts in the family have caused discourse among some of us...and I must say I scratch my head over what happened, but it doesn't change the fact that going home to share a Christmas with everyone will never happen again. In a time when spirits should soar, I find myself strangely sad and my special Christmas song really prompts tears for all that is lost.
Gladly, I have Spencer in my life. He'll be the reason that I continue to create new and happy memories so hopefully when reaches adulthood he can look back and remember his "Nee Nee" as someone who holds a part of his heart forever, the way my grandmother is always with me. I'll always remember my father, and how he prompted the opening of the first gift on Christmas eve. "Just one," he always said, and we ended up in a flurry of wrapping paper and boxes until every gift was revealed. There wasn't a lot, but we never felt deprived. If I could have one wish, it would be to capture moments like those again just once. Since I can't, I'll just cherish what memories this song conjures up.