Finally!

I can't believe how long I've waited for some good news. This has been an incredible day. First an email invitation from Tara Banks to be on America's Top Model, and then another from Oprah to appear as a special guest, representing all e-book authors and filling the first slot on her favorite book list. You must imagine I'm bouncing off the walls. Surely I'll be able to land an agent now.

Is there no end to my delerium? The phone rang just a few moments ago and I was notified I've won the Great American Sweepstakes. In a short time, I'll be receiving my million dollar check. What will I do first? I really won't need to spend any of it, since I'm entering The Amazing Race, one of my favorite TV shows. I'll be sprinting around the world and finally get to see something of interest, and on their dime. And, most shocking of all, President Obama sent word that he would appreciate me being the first person to receive and test one of the new fuel-efficient cars from GM. All for free. He also offered me a specially-created post on his cabinet because he's sure I'll be the first to pass the background check with ease. No skeletons in my closet.

How funny that my invite from Tara followed an apologetic letter from The Biggest Loser, telling me that I'm far to svelte to be considered as a contestant on their show. And Nutri System turned me down to replace Marie Osmond as their spokesperson because I'm far too thin already.

Just when I thought this day couldn't get any better, guess who called? OMG, While I was listening to Mel Gibson persuade me to have dinner with him, Tom Selleck beeped through and insisted he'll leave his wife if only I'll divorce my husband. Oh the insanity. Who to choose. My husband has been a faithful and devoted spouse...but

I'd like to continue to share more of my wonderful news, but I must go and flip a coin...maybe two. Holy horse flies... Sam Elliott just phoned and threw his hat into the dating ring. I have to go read my horoscope then check to see how the stars and sun are aligned. Something is really weird today.