Saturday, January 16, 2010

Sex and Senior Citizenry

I’m so not the sexy type. No matter how hard I try to pretend, there is nothing about this sixty-four-year-old body that makes me think I could make a man shiver with desire. Therein lies the problem with being successful in writing Erotica…at least from my POV. When I write, the characters tell me a story and I have to envision the concept to put it into words. There are just no words adequate enough to drag something sexy from this brain to my fingertips. All I can see is myself, and believe me, no one wants to share that image. Someone forgot to secure the baggage and the package shifted during travel. Seriously!

There once was a time when I could put on a black nightie and feel somewhat desirable, but that ship sailed…and I believe sunk some years ago. Truth is, age steals so many things from you that you’ve always taken for granted. All those graphic stories that tell of “his” manhood delving into her “moist” woman’s cave. HA! Once you become a senior citizen, if you don’t have a bottle of lube by the bedside, you’d better be prepared to scream…and not in ecstasy. Drier than dust comes to mind!

And those perky breasts! Maybe twenty years ago they were. Now they’ve migrated North and South. When an older woman is flat on her back, it’s not quite so easy to “capture a nipple" when her breasts reside in her armpits.

Once, I was flexible, now I’m arthritic. Sex is about as appealing to me as having a blood test. And of course, those positions that once brought delight now bring Charlie Horses and achy hips. Of course, some may say, “be on top.” NO friggin way! Then I keep flashing back to Dorothy’s advice to Blanche on the Golden Girls to bend over and look in a mirror. OMG! I did and I believe I’m a direct descendant of the Char Pei dog line. That didn’t do a darn thing for my missing self-esteem.

Oh, I know men could have sex with a knot hole, but I’ve always liked to think I was more attractive than a piece of wood. Now I’m not to sure, and sometimes, I actually wish we had a fence. *lol*

I think the main reason I can’t write Erotica is that I’m a “behind the door” kind of girl—both in writing and my personal life. I love romance. I want to feel the attraction, the heat, but I like things left to my imagination. Close the door at that point and let me picture what goes on behind it. I don’t need to read about every lick, suck or plunge. Honestly, I don’t. But to those of you who do, and write or read it with such ease and comfort, I applaud you.

Erotica is a hot seller, but I guess I’ll miss the boat on this one. Same goes for fairies, werewolves, shapeshifters, and vampires. Readers are really into fantasy, and if you throw in sex, you’re got a winning novel. Unfortunately, most of my characters pop out of the old west, and in order to make the story somewhat believable, even if it is fiction, the author has to show the story to the reader. I can’t if I can’t imagine it. Besides, the only thing howling at the moon in my books is going to be a coyote, and if someone’s shape shifts, it’s because she’s with child. I can’t ever recall seeing a fairy or vampire on Little House on the Prairie or Bonanza, so I think I’ll stick with writing what I can see in my mind’s eye. I have cataracts, so maybe that eye has one, too.

Just so you know...I did FORCE myself to write an Erotica some time ago. It was one of the most difficult things I've ever done. Normally words flow with ease from my mind to my fingers, but, I really struggled to get the story finished. It's entitled, Searchers, and is still available at Whiskey Creek Press.

Ellora's cave rejected it back then because, GASP!!!!, my heroine had an affair. How offensive is that in this day and age? But, my rejection letter cited that the concept would be offensive to readers and not something they endorsed. Like I said in one of my humorous can have sex with a vampire, a hairy werewolf, or an alien in any body orifice, time-travel to another century and screw a count or duke, but God forbid your heroine actually strays to someone else's bed while she's married. That NEVER happens!


Latesha said...

LOL Ginger! Your imagery of what happens to the body was spot on, but you don't have to be a senior citzen for those things to happen. Keep on smiling. While I like to read the graphic stuff, I think the behind the door stuff is just as erotic. Let's you imagine all the things that aren't being said.

Trent Kinsey said...


I loved this post! It is such a shame that time will toy with all of us in the long run; another reason to enjoy as much of as you can when you can, huh?

On another note, it is good to hear that though the physical aspect has lost its appeal, the actual want of passion still remains!

Chris Redding said...

Humorous as alway Ginger.

Phyllis Campbell said...

OMG, Ginger, I'm laughing so hard I have tears in my eyes. hahahaha Oh, I wish I had your humor. Thanks for making me laugh today. Perhaps I'm laughing so hard because I know exactly what you're talking about. Try being overweight AND sagging. (groans) Yeah, this is NOT a pretty picture!


Candace Clayton said...

Love this post! I am with you on being a "behind-the-door" writer. And thats ok...cause some readers prefer it that way..:)

Author Mary C said...

Lmao, Ginger! You have a way with words, I can tell you that.

You don't need to write erotica, girl. I can tell you're a top notch author. Hugs!

Gywnn Morgan said...

Ginger, I was 60 and a new widow when I began to write erotica to break out of the writer's block that hit following my hubby's sudden death--we had worked together and even co-authored one book and I was stuck big time alone. It got easier as I went along and then when I found a new gentleman friend (at almost age 65!!) I found I had loosened up a good deal after being a pretty strait laced person most of my life. So it can happen; it depends a lot on your mind set and acceptance of yourself too I think. I am honest about my age and realize I am no hot chick --sags, bags, wrinkles, gray hair and all!! but that really isn't necessary IMHO to write sexy stuff or even feel-be sexy. BTW I write hotties as Deirdre O'Dare FWIW

Maggie Dove said...

Love this, Ginger!

Margaret Tanner said...

OMG Ginger, couldn't have put it better myself. I can relate to every word, even the boobs disappearing under the armpits when I lay flat on my back. It ain't pretty let me tell you.


Lisabet Sarai said...

Ginger, dear,

Oh, do I identify! Especially about the lube and the arthritis! Still, I do write erotica, mostly because it takes me back to the good old days when I could do a split or a back bend and my breasts were well worth looking at.

But you know, eroticism is not really about bodies anyway. It's about desire, a state of mind. So in some sense, it doesn't matter what you look like, or even what you do. It's what you yearn for.

You've got a great comic talent, woman. And you should write what the spirit moves you to create, being true to yourself and not worrying about what "sells".


Lorrie Unites-Struiff said...

A good wake up in the morning laugh, and oh so true. Sad, but true about aging. The mind is willing, as they say, but the arthritic body just won't comply. Thank goodness for imagination.
A fun read. Thanks.

Cate Masters said...

Fun post, Ginger! I'm of the belief that a person's sexiest organ is the brain, so physical aspects are secondary. Because I find humor so appealing, I wrote an erotic novella with a bit of humor. It was fun to try but it's really not my style. I like to leave a little to the reader's imagination!

J D Webb said...

Laughed out loud, Ginger. And as a naked geezer, I turn my head the other way when I pass a mirror. Our readers' imagination is the best advantage we have, so we must allow it to happen - not force it into our writing.
Keep on keeping on.
By the way I think you're sexy.

Lin said...

You did an amazing job, Ginger! As one of your new Muse It Sisters, I sat here bobbing my head in absolute agreement with you. Gravity is such a wonderful thing for one's self-image isn't it? Don't you just love that magical moment when you realize the only kissing going on in your life is the kissing between your boobs and your kneecaps?

Knot holes? Were you watching when my 13 year old brother and cousin did the knothole and then had to come to me to get the splinters out of their "ahems'? I was only 16 at the time, and no 16 year old should have to remove splinters from two thirteen year old "ahems".

My moment of realizing I was actually "over-the-hill" came not when I noticed silver strains on my head, but when I found they'd migrated to MY "ahem". No one ever tells you about THAT part of aging do they?

Anyway, love, absolutely LOVE this post. You truly tell it like it is!

MuseItUp Publishing said...

I guess it's true what the joke I recently read said:

you're not all hot and flustered. It's just that your right boob is set in the tea cup and your left boob is in your hot porridge. GRIN

Now I'm going out to buy myself a support bra.

Heather Haven said...

Not that I can relate to this or anything...ahem...but I think if it was between having an affair and having a good cup of coffee, I'd have to take the java.
An older man's wife once said, "Let's go upstairs and make love." He replied, "These days I can only do one." (Bada-boom)

Christine London said...

Thanks for the chuckles, Ginger. I can so relate to the erotica trend. My first book was considered erotic romance but an erotic romance imprint---quite spicy, yes. Now I sub a similar work to the same publisher and it is deemed too tame. Things just keep getting more explicit and wild. What ever happened to less is more? (God, I sound like an old Truth be known, I am one who thinks your writing is more believable if you write what you know, have experienced or can imagine experiencing. As a hetrosexual woman, I am most confortable with writing in that vein and I think my work speaks for itself as being alluring. And yes...Lisabet is correct--- most erotic writing is like life; the best most enticing stuff takes place in the tension leading to consumation whether it be between first time lovers or long marrieds. It is a 'state of mine---desire'

So if my wriitng seems to become cooler over time, so be it. Like a loving relationship, time mellows us and makes for a more beautiful glow to that which is most private. I for one hope the trend toward writing more mature heroes and heroines continues as our population grays. Turning 30, 40, 50 or 60 does not diminish the need for the warmth of human touch and love, nor the desire to feel desirable. If words are the vehicle linking mind and heart, what better way to keep the home fires burning than writing/reading a love story whether your comfort level lies with bedroom door open or closed. It is the developing relationship that moves and stays in the mind long after the last page.

Great post, Ginger!

Christine London

Romance Reviews

The Romance Reviews

Manic Readers

Manic Readers

She Writes

Historical Fiction Books

Readers and Writers of Distinctive Fiction