Friday, April 1, 2011
This has been a crazy week, so it's perfect that it ends on a day for fools.
Monday, I went to the doctor for a re-check, ended up having seven vials of blood drawn, and they didn't even give me a cookie and juice. I can't even recall what the recheck was for, but at about quarter to five, I got a call from the nurse, telling me my potassium showed as seriously low. She was calling in a prescription and I needed to get it right away and come back in two days for another blood draw.
I'm not a fan of pills, especially ones that are big enough to choke a horse. Fortunately, when I got out my magnifying glass and read the fine print, these whoppers could be dissolved and put into liquid. Boy, is the last sip crunchy, but they warn you not to chew the crystals. I worried about all the side affects listed on the sheet that came with my RX, but acid reflux seemed to be the worst of it. For two nights I slept in the recliner, and now have a stiff neck and sore back. Great!
Wednesday, I went back and had more blood drawn to see if the pills had elevated my potassium level. I haven't heard anything yet so I assume I'm not on the emergency list.
Today, I returned to the doctor for a bone density test. Never had one, didn't know what to expect. Instead of removing my blouse and bra, this time I just had to remove my jeans. Of course they provide you with paper shorts. I'm here to tell you that one size does NOT fit all. Those shorts were so tight, I expected the seam to explode any minute. Amazingly enough, the paper held and withstood movement. I'm thinking NASA might be interested in them. The test was a piece of cake, but I wonder if the outcome will mean yet another pill.
Next week, I go for a long overdue mammogram. This is all part of my "senior citizen physical" which Medicare urges you to get. My doctor is a cutie pie and tells me I don't look my age. He also tells me I'm in great shape compared to a lot of his patients. Just wait till he has to lift my arms to find my boobs for the breast exam. *lol* I haven't ever had to disrobe for him. I don't know who to feel sorrier for. Thank God, I don't have to have a pelvic exam. I was worried about the echo it might cause. *think about...you'll get it eventually.*
I don't know who said "women are like wine, they get better with age," but I'd like to have a serious discussion with him/her. My body is on a downhill slide and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I used to have bare elbows and knees, but now they are covered by little flaps of skin that used to be part of my upper arm and leg. My lips have all but disappeared, and whatever held up my neck has shifted down...right beneath my breasts and above my belt line to create a shelve. If I didn't know better, I'd think my body was metal and I had magnets in my socks. Honestly, wine and I have nothing in common, unless the bottle has a wrinkled label and tastes like vinegar.
Well, I see it's time to go take my potassium pill...or drink it. Perhaps I should add it to that fine wine we just talked about. Heck, maybe I'll just dissolve it in the bottle. If I remember correctly, things always look much better in an alcoholic stupor. Shucks...I can't drink...more fine print on the side of my RX bottles.
I hope I didn't scare any of you younger people. I'm just trying to prepare you for what's to come. I keep asking my mom why she didn't warn me. "Would you have believed me?" she asks. I'd have to say no. I had no idea what aging did to a body. You have to be naked to appreciate the wrath. I think Mother Nature wrote the first horror story.
Here's looking at you, kid. Do me a favor and don't look back. *lol*