Friday, June 29, 2012

Who Knew?

Hubby and I were lamenting the fact that we basically have no social life.  Back in California, we had lots of friends, but since moving to TN, it seems folks are so involved with family of their own, it's been hard to strike up new relationships.  Lately, we rely on ourselves for company, and quite frankly, I think we're getting sick of one another.  *lol*  Then, all of a sudden came a commercial.  Who knew?  We're driving the wrong car.  If only we'd purchased the Toyota Venza instead of a Kia, we'd be partying every night until sunrise...more popular than we'd every dreamed possible.

Yep...there's a lot you can learn from just watching TV.  I've not been feeling well lately, so I've abandoned my creativity for writing and spend much more time in my recliner, staring at the boob tube.  Now I know how it got that nickname.  If I believed a fraction of what is promised by manufacturers, my life might be so different.  I could be much more active, thin, attractive, popular, and maybe an even a better known author.   Maybe I should write a novel on this topic.  Whadda ya think?

If I just wore a Kotex Tampon every month, I could swim, play tennis, and go dancing in a snow white dress.  Sadly, I'm post-menopausal, so it seems a rather ridiculous expense to try it at this stage of my life.  Who would've guessed a simple cotton insert could let me enjoy so much that I've missed out on?

You know, I have worn a white dress, maybe even danced in one, but I only played Tennis in high school because they made me, and the same goes for swimming.  I wasn't very good at either, but seems I could have been had I only known the secret.  Shoot!

Here's another mistake I made: All these years, I've been eating Cheerios for heart health, and although it seems to have worked, I've gained weight.  If I'd only been eating Special K instead, I could shed these "mom" jeans and look stellar.  Still, I can't help wondering how that slender woman's heart is doing...missing out on her Cheerios and all.  At this stage, living longer is better than reviving my dream of being a runway model, so I guess I'll stay with my favorite cereal and try some of that stuff they advertise is guaranteed to peel off the pounds if you just shake it onto anything you eat.  I think it's called Sensa.  What a miracle.  Sensa on an Ice Cream Sundae, and no worry.

Do I see a pattern developing...Venza, Menses and Sensa?  Oh, it's probably just my imagination.  I'm amazed how important having one is now that reality TV has become all the rage.  I have made a very important decision though because of my new status as a "boob."  After watching Jerseylicious, Jersey Shores, Housewives of New Jersey, Glam Fairy, Cake Boss, and a few others filmed there...I will avoid living there like the plague. No wonder they are so in love Chris Christy.  He appears to be the only one there with common sense.

Who thought of reality TV?  Clearly everything is scripted, and poorly, in most cases.  And people thought soap operas were dumb.  On Survivor, someone is starving or being eaten alive by mosquitoes, and the cameraman can't hand them a sandwich or a can of Off?   Some how that doesn't smack of reality to me.


Juliet Waldron said...

TV worse than vampire and not half so good looking!

Devon Matthews said...

LOL! You're a hoot, Ginger! ;)

Alexa said...

Special K doesn't work either. I'm still overweight!

Heather Haven said...

This is too true to be this hilarious. You are right on every level. I love this column so much, I'm sending it to every woman I know. If I had only known this stuff before, just imagine! My life would have been perfect.

Margaret Tanner said...

Hi Ginger,
Thanks for the laugh. Scary isn't it how we missed out on the "fun times" if only we had watched more TV when we were younger, we could have eternal youth, be popular, slim and beautiful.



Cheryl Wright said...

Oh Ginger, I must watch more TV. I had no idea it was so informative! LOL

Great article - nearly fell off my chair laughing.

Lisabet Sarai said...

Hi, Ginger,

I don't watch TV - I haven't for decades (except when forced to in some waiting room!)

Glad to see my decision validated!

As for you, hon, you're already perfect! Don't change a thing (except perhaps to deal with those persistent health problems)!


Dale Jones said...

Now here I have watched Survivor for all these seasons and it never occurred to me that the cameraman could have given them a can of Off. lol. I love it!

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