Friday, May 30, 2014

Friday Freebits with Ginger - #frifeebits #blogsharing

Welcome to another Friday and six paragraphs that will hopefully make you laugh.  This is the conclusion of one chapter and the start of another.  Yes, the chapters are short, but I'll try to make them longer as I go through the book again.  So, continuing with Living La Vida Loca:



My first husband and I divorced after thirty-two years, and although I left him because of his drinking, I also believe I may have driven him to the bottle because our sex drives were never compatible.  If you compared the two of us to automobiles, he was a Ferrari and I, a Volkswagen Beetle.  Our romantic rendezvous were planned, but unfortunately they usually coincided with my weekly headache.

When I met and married my second husband, the newness of the relationship was exciting; I couldn't keep my hands off him.  As time passed, the excitement wore off, and I returned to my preferential state of celibacy.  He reminds me often of how things used to be, and once again, I fall back on the old "cling to those memories" response.  I'm just not a sexual being.

It's hard to be sexy when you don't feel good about your body, and I honestly can only recall a short span of time when I did.  Aging has made appreciating my looks even harder, but I do like who I am...at least inside.  I'd just like to change a few exterior things if I could.  I discovered Victoria's Secret early on....nothing she sells fits me.  Some secret!  I guess it's just  as well because thongs aren't my thing.  I can't even stand having a wedgie, and I don't think underwear should resemble or feel like dental floss. There are some types of clothing overweight women shouldn't consider if for no other reason than common courtesy to ones spouse.  Yes, it's hard to look alluring in flannel or granny panties, but a girl has to do what a girl has to do.  Right?

New Chapter - Fade to Black

Isn't aging difficult enough when your butt drops, your boobs sag, and your skin develops age spots? Should we also have to contend with shedding eyelashes and losing our lip line?  That's right...if you're fifty or over, take a peek in the mirror and tell me you can still see where you lips begin and end.  I feel really sorry now for laughing at little old ladies who drew their lips on and looked like circus clowns.  They couldn't help themselves.  One morning, just like me, they woke up and didn't have a mouth.  To top off their agony, their eyesight had already failed which explains why the color on their top lip started right below their nostrils.  The decrease in vision might also have had something to do with that exaggerated dot of rouge on each cheek, but thanks to the invention of the blush brush, we don't see that very often these days.

My lips were thin to begin with, so now I have none.  I don't bother with lipstick; what's the point?  I considered I could get by with focusing on my once-thick eyelashes, but every touch pulls one more out.  I'm at the point where there is a big gap between each lash, and the more mascara I apply, the more ridiculous I look.  I tend to get more on my eyelids than where I intended and end up looking like I went three rounds with Mike Tyson and lost.  Ladies, take my advice.  Don't overdo the mascara to compensate for other attributes you may be lacking.  If you don't end up with dark circles, you'll look like a caterpillar took up residence on your face.  And if you sleep without removing your "makeup", your lashes become a matted mess.  Do you think this might be where the saying, "less is more" originated?    Oh, I almost forgot to mention...for every lash you lose, a hair grows on your neck or chin, and remember Andy Rooney's eyebrows...Larry Hagman's as the older JR on Dallas...don't let that happen to yours because believe me, the brows do develop a mind of their own.  I used to go to the beauty shop for a cut and curl.   Now, I go there for a shampoo, style, and shave.  Yep, you have to endure new techniques to overcome.

Aging brings one dilemma after another.  What do you do about your  hair? Would a frost job hide the gray or should you change the color entirely.  Maybe you might be the kind who just gives in and accepts natures dusting of snow.  I elected to go lighter to hide those silver strands, but unless you have a hairdresser who knows her colors, you might end up looking like you have more gray.  Guess how I know?  I tried to fix the imperfection by dying my hair darker.  The color of the box looked perfect, but how was I to know that lightening your hair makes it more porous so it absorbs more color?  I looked like Morticia Adams for a few weeks, until shampooing helped the color fade.  I was going for light brown, but never quite made it.  Blondes must have more fun because I sure didn't have any with jet black hair.  Despite trying to regain my youth, nothing has worked.  That's why I've decided to let life take its toll.  There are three things you cannot fight in this world:  The IRS, Gravity and Aging.

*****

Now be nice and hop on over to my friend's blogs and see what they have to share today.  Remember, we love getting comments and we also don't mind if you use the share buttons beneath the blog.  :)


Jamie Hill
Roseanne Dowell
Tricia McGill
Juliet Waldron
Taryn Raye
Kathy Fischer-Brown
Rhobin Lee Courtright
Sydell Voeller

2 comments:

Rhobin Lee Courtright said...

Oh Ginger! I'm laughing again -- so accurate and truthful but so funny, too. How come we have books telling teens what they face but not much on aging except huge, medical tomes full of words no one knows?

elderfox said...

I don't think I've commented before, but, GINGER, you really hit my "oh my G-- that's me!buttons." :) And with the semi-naked season coming on, me thinks I'll head for the hills rather than a beach.
mE

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