What Did You Call Me?

Unless you’ve been living under a rock for…oh, let’s say the last three months…you’ve probably noticed that social media isn’t so social any more. It’s full of anger. And vitriol. And mud-slinging. Yeah, I don’t even want to sign onto Facebook some days. But, if you think that it’s only been in the last campaign that the mud-slinging and name calling started, yeah…no. I went on the Internet to find some of the best political insults out there. You may not want to be drinking anything while you read this. If you are—I am not responsible for any coffee, tea, soda, juice, or any other beverage spewed onto the monitor.

"Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself." Mark Twain

"I want you to know that also I will not make age an issue of this campaign. I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent's youth and inexperience." Ronald Reagan, during a 1984 presidential debate with Walter Mondale. (Reagan and Mondale were two of the oldest candidates running for the office of president, with Reagan being the elder by a few years.)

"He can't help it. He was born with a silver foot in his mouth." Former Texas Gov. Ann Richards on misstatements made by George Bush, Sr.

"I don't want to be invited to the family hunting party." President Barack Obama, on revelations that he and Dick Cheney are eighth cousins

"I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers, and rubble, and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message that no matter what happens to America she will always rebound with the most powerfully staged photo-ops in the world." Stephen Colbert, mocking President George W. Bush to his face at the 2005 White House Correspondents' Dinner

"If ignorance goes to forty dollars a barrel, I want drilling rights to George Bush's head." Jim Hightower, former Texas Commissioner of Agriculture, referring to the elder Bush

"There they are. See no evil, hear no evil, and...evil." Bob Dole, watching former presidents Carter, Ford and Nixon standing by each other at a White House event

"People would say, 'We need a man on the ticket." Rep. Pat Schroeder, on why George Bush was unlikely to choose a woman as his running mate in 1988

"In a recent fire Bob Dole's library burned down. Both books were lost. And he hadn't even finished coloring one of them." Jack Kemp

"As Americans, we must ask ourselves: Are we really so different? Must we stereotype those who disagree with us? Do we truly believe that ALL red-state residents are ignorant racist fascist knuckle-dragging NASCAR-obsessed cousin-marrying roadkill-eating tobacco juice-dribbling gun-fondling religious fanatic rednecks; or that ALL blue-state residents are godless unpatriotic pierced-nose Volvo-driving France-loving left-wing communist latte-sucking tofu-chomping holistic-wacko neurotic vegan weenie perverts?" Dave Barry

"All that Hubert needs over there is a gal to answer the phone and a pencil with an eraser on it." —Lyndon Johnson on Hubert Humphrey, his vice president

"A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned how to walk forward." President Franklin Roosevelt

"He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas better than any man I ever met." Abraham Lincoln, referring to a lawyer

"He is a modest man with much to be modest about." Winston Churchill describing U.K. Prime Minister Clement Attlee

"He [McKinley] has no more backbone than a chocolate éclair." Teddy Roosevelt

 "His argument is as thin as the homeopathic soup that was made by boiling the shadow of a pigeon that had been starved to death." Abraham Lincoln in pointing out the flaws in the logic of Stephen Douglas

 "“...the kind of politician who would cut down a redwood tree and then mount the stump to make a speech for conservation." Adlai Stevenson in referring to Richard Nixon

 "Garfield has shown that he is not possessed of the backbone on an angleworm." Ulysses S. Grant on James A. Garfield

"Filthy Story-Teller, Despot, Liar, Thief, Braggart, Buffoon, Usurper, Monster, Ignoramus Abe, Old Scoundrel, Perjurer, Robber, Swindler, Tyrant, Field-Butcher, Land-Pirate." Harper's Weekly on Abraham Lincoln (and this was printed by a Northern paper at the height of the American Civil War. Harper’s Weekly was in favor of George McClelland as President)

"A rageful, lying, warmongering fellow; a repulsive pedant and gross hypocrite who behaves neither like a man nor like a woman but instead possesses a hideous hermaphroditical character."  Thomas Jefferson in regards to John Adams

"A blind, bald, crippled, toothless man who is a hideous hermaphrodite character with neither the force and fitness of a man, nor the gentleness and sensibility of a woman." Thomas Jefferson on President John Adams, 1800 (as if Jefferson hadn’t been clear enough on what he felt for Adams by labeling him a “hermaphroditical character.”)

"Electing Jefferson would create a nation where murder, robbery, rape, adultery and incest will openly be taught and practiced." John Adams assessment of a possible Jefferson presidency

"General Jackson's mother was a COMMON PROSTITUTE, brought to this country by the British soldiers! She afterward married a MULATTO MAN, with whom she had several children, of which number General JACKSON IS ONE!!!" Charles Hammond, editor of the Cincinnati Gazette, on Andrew Jackson (And, here most of us thought the “birther controversy” was something limited only to questions about former President Obama)

"Never ask me to support a twaddler and trimmer for office." Pennsylvania Congressman Thaddeus Stevens on Ulysses S. Grant

"Grant is as brainless as his saddle." activist Wendell Phillips on Grant