Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Inspired or Conspired?


So, a few days ago, I talked a little about rejection. Since one editor found Sarah's Journey lacking enough sexual tension and frowned on the hero not appearing until the third chapter, I decided to research my options. Maybe I'm going about this all wrong and I should consider marketing this as a western/Americana to focus on the real issues in the story. There is romance, but it's secondary to the lessons learned.

I went to HQ's website and found they have a new Inspirational Historical line. Wow, what a break for me... or so I thought. I downloaded the requirements and my story seemed a perfect fit... until I printed off all the words and scenes forbidden in any manuscript submitted for consideration. My shoulders sagged with disappointment. This meant that Sarah needed a complete overhaul, stripping my story of all the components that made her who she is. Evidently, my story, although not graphic, and certainly tastefully done, would offend some. As I read the list, I felt really sorry for any man married to a woman who won't allow him to say breast, pee or poop. I've written a fun little scene, purposely using words and situations from HQ's no-no list.

His arousal bulged against his jeans. She looked up at him from her crouched position on the floor. "You bastard," she muttered.
He'd bet his last bishop in a chess match that she had on a sexy bra and panties. His attraction with breasts always got him into trouble. Her backside wasn't bad either.
"Crap, I can't do this," he admitted and helped her to her feet.
"Darn." It's only a play, for Heaven sakes. It's not like you're actually going to assault me." She combed her finger through long, sexy hair.
"Hell, I can't help if I'm sexually attracted to you. For Pete's sake, you're such a hottie. Why couldn't they have found some ugly whore to share the part with me?"
"For the love of Mike, you don't need a harlot to recite lines with. Just relax and let the hunger show in your words not in your underwear.
"But what about the part where I have to kiss you below the neck? Or...we have to share a bed and we aren't married?
"Oh my God," If it bothers you that much, then go see Father O'Malley, the priest at St. Michael's. I'm sure he can remove any devil's curse from your soul."
"Oh, Holy cow, all right. Let me step outside for smoke, then'll we'll try it again."
"It's a miracle,! She giggled. I promise not to take my clothes off while you're gone. I'll use the time to go pee."
Christ, Ginny, just when I get my mind cleared, there you go tempting me again."

7 comments:

Anita Davison said...

Ginger,

That was great, definitely worth a giggle - and are all those words actually quoted on the 'no no list'? Unbelievable.

And thank goodness for people like you to stop us all taking ourselves too seriously.

Carol said...

Too funny. How would anyone write for them, it's mind boggling. Carol

Ally said...

LOL... Oh my. I can't even think without using words like that. I must be a dirty foul thing.

Vicki Gaia said...

*grin* Didn't know they actually had a 'no no' list! Sheesh.

Kathe Gogolewski said...

GINGER, YOU'VE BEEN TAGGED! To find out what I'm talking about, go to http://www.amazon.com/gp/blog/post/PLNK1YOV9TAZFNDE2 and read the blog "I've Been Me-Me'd!!

Diane M. Wylie said...

You did a great job, Ging. I had no idea they banned all those words!

Latesha said...

LOL Ginger, that was good. It's crazy how a line can take all of the fun out of writing. I didn't see a thing that offended me. I was waiting to read more.

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