Wednesday, November 5, 2008

The Economical Decline

While watching Regis & Kelly this morning, I think I discovered the reason for the country's economical plummet...no more panty hose! Noticing Kelly's bare legs, I turned to my sister and asked..."Did you get the memo saying that panty hose are passe?" She shook her head. It seems we were omitted from the mailing list, but it appears that women in the entertainment industry all got the directive.

Imagine the hard hit the nylon industry took. It surely sent Wall street careening downward. What were women thinking?

It wasn't my doing. I'm sorry. This is yet another style I refuse to follow. Who makes these decisions anyhow? Probably the same man who hates his mother and decided that 'bed head' is 'SASSY."

If and when I wear nylons, it's to disguise the blue veins in my legs and keep my fat thighs from rubbing together. There's more than a fashion statement involved here. I can't possibly dress up and venture into the public without my queen-sized control top panty hose. No way, Jose or whatever your name is. It's time the women of America took back fashion decisions.

Whoever appointed the 'fashion authorities' on those reality shows who dictate what women should discard from their closet and replace with apparent attrocities considered fashionable, should be shot! Have you seen the hair and clothes on those two fashionistas? I'd rather be seen in something passe than move with today's trends. No nylons and shoes with toes so pointed they reach the corner 15 seconds before you do... I tell you, these men hated their moms and they are taking it out on us.

Wise up women...our sisters of yesteryear yearned for nylons. They sacrificed their virginity for a pair, drew lines on their legs to imitate the style, held dearly to the idea that this was something more than just a fad.

It's you skinny broads that feel it's okay to easily discard the style...I know it. Well, if you had to suffer the irritation of skin-on-skin for just one hour, you might change your mind. Just wait until the veins on your legs become roadmaps...you'll feel differently. Take that Kelly Rippa! I hope you gain fifty pounds.

3 comments:

Laura Herbertson said...

wow someone has their pantyhose in a twist

Chris Redding said...

I hate stockings. If you don't stretch them out correctly the first time, they don't sit right. I'm going with thigh highs next time.
I wish my legs could go without stockings.

Diane M. Wylie said...

I wondered when exactly pantyhose went out of vogue myself. I don't like the way my feet stick to the inside of my shoes and get all sweaty without pantyhose or socks. Luckily I don't have to dress up in my job anymore, so to wear or not to wear pantyhose is rarely an issue. But I hear you, Ginger. I feel bad for pantyhose manufacturers. Maybe that is why I don't see ads on TV for them anymore. Didn't Tina Turner advertise for Leggs?

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