I Cannot Tell A Lie

I received the "I Never Tell A Lie" meme from my dear friend, MaryAnn Miller...boldly posted on her It's Not All Gravy blog. I suppose I must abide by the following rules provided:

Sometimes you can learn more about a person by what they don’t tell you. Sometimes you can learn a lot from the things they just make up. If you are tagged with this Meme, lie to me. Then tag 7 other folks (one for each deadly sin) and hope they can lie.

I'm not a very good liar, and neither is my youngest son, even though he tried to perfect it for years. I can still tell by the look in his eyes when he's being untruthful. Most of the time his eyes are brown...but sometimes they're a crystal clear pool allowing me to see right into those turning wheels in his brain. He thinks he can fool me...in what century? I really have nothing to lie about. My life is an open book as evidenced by my blog.

Pride: A pack of lions... or what I feel at having been a runway model at the age of 20. Maybe it's that bursting feeling I had when I was crowned Miss California a year later. Nah, it had to be appearing in the swimsuit issue of....oh, the name escapes me.

Envy: Something I never feel. The ten commandments tell us not to covet, so I stifle those feelings when I see a thin woman with good hair, someone flashing a huge wad of cash, or another new book by that damn Nora Roberts who gets away with head-hopping in all her novels.

Gluttony: I can honestly say I'm no longer a glutton. In 1991 I had my stomach stapled and I eat only small amounts or else I throw up. So, it's not HOW MUCH I eat...it's become WHAT I eat. I stick with what I think is safe and won't get stuck, so my diet sucks. I eat potato chips, mashed potatoes, pop corn, and all those things that go right to your butt. I lost over five hundred pounds, but over the years it's creeping back despite my vow to never be fat again. My diet is even more complicated since I started taking blood thinning medication. I'm limited on eating leafy greens because the vitamin K interferes with the dose. You know how I realized I was fat again? The elastic band on my underwear used to say HANES....now it says HAAAAANNNNNNNEEEEEEES! *lol*

Lust: What really lights your fire?
Nothing....I don't care if Tom Selleck and Mel Gibson wrestled for me on my living room floor. I've reached the age where lovemaking is a chore and not worth the leg cramps and painful friction. Of course, as my doctor so kindly pointed out to me when I mentioned my lack of interest, "The grass needs to be mowed occasionally," so I try to be considerate on occasion. But honestly, nothing can light this fire...sort of like trying to ignite wet kindling in the middle of a rainstorm. And as for those products that purport orgasms like erupting volcanoes or fireworks, may I say...bullshit! (oops, did I say that?)

Anger: Oh, absolutely nothing angers me. I'm the calmest person you'll ever meet. I'm so very happy with our current president and his administration. I love the fact that our elected officials see their posts as careers rather than a term in office, and I couldn't be more elated about the questionable people that have been appointed to cabinet posts. I also think it is so admirable that network news reports only the positive things, and we enjoy all that promised TRANSPARENCY in everything our new president does.

Greed: Name something you keep from others. I have nothing anyone wants, I'm sure, so I've really never been greedy. In fact, when I divorced my husband of 32 years, I made sure to leave him with all the furniture he needed and took only the spare stuff for myself. I think I would have re-considered when he moved out and left it all behind. I need to work on my greed skills. Okay, okay...so I do hide a candy bar occasionally.

Sloth: What's the laziest thing you've ever done?
According to my family, I have become a sloth. Since my sister moved in, I do absolutely nothing. She does all the housework, most of the yard work, and more. She's a perfectionist so I dare not try to interfere. You have no idea how hard it is to sit in the recliner with my laptop while she's frittering back and forth, vacuuming, dusting, plumping pillows. Yesterday, I tried to help out, and actually mowed 1/4 of the front yard before I felt faint. Later, I rolled the empty trash can back from the curb (actually, we don't have curbs...just a place where the grass ends and the street begins), but then I had to go in and rest for a bit. I think I spend most of my time polishing my crown and wasting my time on the computer. At least that's what they think I do. :)

I apologize, but as I said...I absolutely cannot lie! It was I who chopped down the blasted cherry tree. Bwaaahhhaaaa!


Now I'm supposed to inflict this on seven more people. Maryann stated she didn't believe I own a gun. Well, I do. I just bought one. Let's see who shall I pick on....who might actually do this: Anita Davison, Diane Wylie, Anna K. Lanier, Tabatha Shay, Clare London, Lisabet Sarai, and Cheryl St. John. Sorry Ladies, but if you actually take the time, it's great blog fodder. Remember, don't come stalking...I'm armed and I know how to shoot. *lol*