Saturday, December 27, 2008

Aging Not So Gracefully

My sister and I were talking about growing old, and we both explained our feelings in the same way. We both woke up one morning and realized we were old. I'm not just talking wrinkles...although that's a big concern...I mean aches, pains, eye problems, teeth problems. If you're over fifty, you're probably in the beginning stages. I hate to tell you, it doesn't get any better. I'd like to meet those people who said, "Life Begins at Forty." They forgot to mention it comes to a screeching halt after ten more years. *lol*

Cataracts is a term I've heard, but until I was diagnosed with them, I considered they only affected senior citizens. I made that comment out loud, then realized, I AM A SENIOR CITIZEN. No amount of waxing, plucking, or whining is going to change that. My friend keeps telling me to be thankful for every day I'm on THIS side of the grass, and although I am truly grateful for each and every day...I'm finding it hard to deal with looking in the mirror.

It's like your body takes on a mind separate from your own. Everything shifts at will, elongates, expands, thins, disappears or freezes up on you. As evidence I offer whatever held up my "neck skin." Clearly what ever it was has left me! And did I mention PAIN. Getting up and down is now a chore.

No one told me that blood pressure medicine causes something akin to 'male pattern baldness.' I suppose I could elect to have a heart attack with a full head of hair or hang around a while and try to cover up this bald spot smack dab in the front of my head. I stopped my hormone replacement therapy to remedy the mustache and sprouting stray hair dilemma, what next?

I've been married to my second husband for twelve years. The first picture was taken at my wedding shower, the second, recently at a Starbucks. I went to meet a new galfriend I met on the internet and thought I looked pretty good. Imagine my surprise when an old hag showed up in MY picture. I'd like to say someone photoshopped it, but I think they probably would have used someone else entirely...or at least airbrushed the face a tad.

What happened in those twelve years? Egads. In my fifties, people always told me I didn't look my age. Up until a few years ago, they even told me that. Guess what...no one is saying it anymore. I worried that since I married someone ten years younger, I would eventually really look much older than he, but I devised a plan to nag him at a rate that caused advanced aging. I checked him out today and it appears to be working. I might feel sorry for him if I wasn't so lost in my own self pity. *lol* I realize I was never a super model, but it doesn't matter how little or great the sacrifice... you either know what I mean or you will soon enough.

Oh, I know there are those of you who exercise, eat right, don't smoke, and will want to preach that you're over fifty and feeling fit and frisky, but that accounts for maybe one in fifty people. May I say...I don't like you much. *kidding.* I quit smoking in 1979, but I think the effects of the years I smoked just remained dormant until now. Those pleated lips I stopped to avoid still happened. It hardly seems fair when I didn't have an ample set of lips to begin with.


Honestly, I actually think God should have reversed the process. I don't mean to tell him what to do, but now that I'm experiencing the other end of life's spectrum, it just seems it would be easier to chalk up diminishing bladder capacity, poor eyesight, thinning hair, and holes in one's smile to being a baby. It's bad enough to watch old movies and realize that every one who starred in them is now dead, but every day, we face our own mortality. Wouldn't it be wonderful, when you lose teeth and have fat rolls around your knees, to have someone come up and chuck your cheek and say how cute you look? Ain't happnin! I'm just saying that preparing for the end of your lifetime would be a lot less painful if you grew cuter and cuddlier every day.

Okay...that's my rant and pity potty for the day. I'll try to be more upbeat tomorrow.

6 comments:

Tabitha Shay said...

Unfortunately, Miz Ging, I have to agree with everything you said...I felt pretty doggone good up until I hit 50, then I started falling apart...now my knees are giving me such fits when it's cold I can barely walk...my eyesight is failing(could be because I stare at the computer screen nearly 24-7) my teeth want to fall out, but I keep telling them to hang in there awhile longer. I race to the bathroom because of that shrinking bladder problem you mentioned and I swear, I can't hear anythig...lol...except what I wanna hear...a great post lady, but then, I'd expect no less from you...Tabs

Anonymous said...

Ohhhhhhh, how true all this is. I just looked in the mirror one day and there it was, my butt was almost touching the back of my knees! Needless to say, I got rid of my full length mirror and avoid other mirrors at all costs. My worst problem is my memory. I have custody of my 9 year old granddaughter and boy does she know how to take advantage of that problem. She will want to do something or have something and it is always "you remember mama, you said I could yesterday" What the heck do you do if you just don't remember? Don't get me wrong, she is my greatest blessing but geez they get smarter, quicker now-a-days.

Linda Gates

Dimes McDropperson said...

This is your face...

This is your face on Aldi's Potato Chips...

Any Questions???

You do show your age when you use a term like "Egads." I think that went out when Eisenhower beat Truman...

And I believe it is a pity "party" and not a pity "potty"... though I may be wrong...

Ginger Simpson said...

Dimes...you pity where you want. I do mine in the potty!

Brett said...

Is it me?, Or does the picture on the left look like an old picture of Ronnie Milsap?

I'll be back, theres a stranger in my house.

Ginger Simpson said...

Brett,
I'll get you for that. I guess I should be happy you didn't make a nasty comment about the latest photo.

There may be a stranger in your house now (my favorite Milsap song), but there's about to be an old woman carrying a grudge instead. *lol*

Love you,
Mom

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