Here's your chance to help me and yourself. I've long wanted to be an advice columnist or stand up comedienne to rebuild my self-esteem. For years, I swear any advice I've offered my son goes in one ear and out the other. It's gotten so bad, I can actually see the words trailing off into the ozone. I'm the human answer to medicinally-induced comas. The minute I open my mouth, my son goes into one. *smile*I know I have great advice to share, but it's the unsolicited type that gets me into trouble. So, here I am...brimming with humor-tinged answers. Ask away.
Dear Miz Ging,
ReplyDeleteMy life is a mess. How can I regain control and exorcise the Mah Jong demons that tempt me day in and day out from accomplishing my daily goals?
I so seriously need help and am relying on your talent and genius to show me the way.
Dear Miz Ging,
ReplyDeleteThis may come as a surprise, but it seems my girlfriend is mad at me again, but I think it is her fault! She likes to hit me with the teenage-like girly questions which is rediculous. She should know, by now, that I speak nothing but the truth. She said to me "Dimes baby, why do you want to be with me?" and I answered her as honest as possible. I said "My Laundry honey, That shit ain't gonna fold itself".
Where did I go wrong?
Ciao!
Dimes.
Dear Sloane:
ReplyDeleteHonestly, you're asking ME for help? If I knew the answer to that, do you really think I'd be here on my blog pretending I know anything at all?
They say, "If life hands you lemons, make lemonade." So, if Mah Jong Demons are tempting you, then I say, PARTAY and worry about the rest later. Life is too short.
Sincerely,
Miz Ging
Dear Dimes,
ReplyDeleteObviously you are a clueless jerk when it comes to what women want to hear. Have you not watched any romance movies like, When Harry Met Sally or Sleepless in Seattle? Do you ever recall hearing a hero mention laundry?
Your comment was about as romantic as giving a dog turd as a Valentine present. You didn't do that too, did you? Just imagine you were in the mood for a 'roll in the hay' and she excused herself to go fold laundry. Sort of dampens the spirit, doesn't it?
I suggest you steer clear of household chores when responding to baited questions. How about the good ol' generic, "I Love You." It works for me.
Sincerely,
Miz Ging
Dear Miz Ging,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the stellar advice. I knew you'd come through.
Now clear out your spare bedroom because when I lose my house, car, and non-existent savings from no income, I'm heading south.:)
Dear Sloane,
ReplyDeleteI don't have a spare room at the moment, but I do have a big red 'CAR' bed out on the sun porch with your name on it. It comes complete with Lightning McQueen, sheets comforter and pillow. You can stash your undies under the 'hood" at the end that opens for storage. *lol*
Sincerely,
Miz Ging
Miz Ging-
ReplyDeleteI have a problem! I am finding blogging is distracting me from work! Also it takes time away from reading!!! AARGH! I don't want to come addicted... What advise do you have to HELP ME???
Dear MarthaE:
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to tell you that if you've lowered yourself to soliciting my help, you are already addicted, but thankfully so.
I'm in the process of developing a stimulus package aimed at getting authors back in focus. I'm taking my lead from congress, so I'm sure it's going to be a great success. First, I have to borrow some money from China to get things going.
Hold on...the cavalry is on the way.
Sincerely,
Miz Ging
Dear Miz Ging,
ReplyDeleteI notice you seem to be a self-proclaimed expert in the art of blogging, and I must know why you have 20-something followers, yet I only have 4 (including 3 family members).
We all agree that my blog is vastly superior to yours, and there are very few who can match my wit, intelligence and masterful grasp of world events.
Why is this so?
Dear Dimes:
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure who the knowing "WE" are who you suspect might consider your blog to be superior to mine in wit, talent and humor, but I do know the answer is quite simple. I have more friends than you do.
Sincerely,
Miz Ging
LOL Ginger, your blog brings a smile to my face with your wit. Keep doing what you are doing.
ReplyDeleteDear Miz Ging,
ReplyDeleteWhy am I never invited to do a guest spot on your blog?
Dimes